Irreversible
by Stitchpuppy01
Summary: Her blood was on his shirt, on his hands, and on his tongue. Irreversible. What he'd done was irreversible.
1. Nothing

*Disclaimer* I own absolutely no part of Twilight or its characters

Nothing

1

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She was in his arms, eyes half lidded, blood seeping from the wound in her neck, trying her best to stay with him for as long as possible. He was trying to keep it together, trying not to let the horrid sight before him tear through his sanity. Dying…dying…leaving.

She was leaving him.

Leaving him alone.

He pressed her motionless body to against his, squeezing his eyes as hard as he could, trying to shed a tear. Of water, of blood, it didn't matter. As long as it was something…

But nothing came out. His cheeks were as cold and dry as ever.

"Bella…" Edward whimpered into her hair. "Please don't go. Please don't leave me…please don't leave me…"

Bella twitched her fingers, trying to hold him, but not a single morsel of energy was left in her. There was only enough to say one thing, one sentence, and she would make sure it counted.

"Edward," she whispered into his freezing ear, pressing her mouth to it lovingly. "I love you."

Her head slumped into his shoulder, eyelids drawing closed, and her last breath whisked gently into the vampire's ear, warm and fleeting.

Edward drew back, eyes wild, cupping her cheek gently in his. It was warm. Her cheek was still warm. So she must still be alive.

She must be!

"Bella…?" Edward called in a coarse whisper. A sharp laugh escaped his lips, and his voice increased a fraction. "Bella, wake up, love. Come on, please come back to me."

Nothing.

"Bella, answer me…"

Quiet.

"Bella!" This time Edward's voice came out as a vicious and agonizing roar.

Still nothing.

His mind was in a frenzy, his emotions spiraling in a storm of chaos. He didn't understand why she wasn't answering him! Her face was still warm, still had color, so why wouldn't she answer him?

Then again…any temperature felt warm when compared to his. He was a vampire, a monster. Her blood smeared his clothes, his hands…his mouth. He felt the venom in his fangs mixing with the elixir of her blood, and he wanted to vomit. His eyes, he felt, were blacker than they've ever been, now dulling back to a listless gold, satiated from the most forbidden sustenance in the world.

Sick…he felt sick. Horrified. Terrified. And enraged. At himself.

_What have I done?_

Edward stared at the girl in his arms, unable to process the lifelessness in her form, the paling of her skin, the dropping of her temperature.

The absence of her heartbeat.

Once more, and for the last time, he called her name, quietly, desperately, hoping to catch a breath slip from her pulpous lips in the form of his name.

"Bella?"

Nothing.


	2. Unforgivable

Unforgivable

2

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"_I refuse to take away your humanity, Bella," Edward said for at least the 30__th__ time. "Please don't condemn me any more than I already am."_

"_That's not what I'm doing!" she cried furiously. _

_Stubborn stubborn Bella…_

"_Edward, I am the happiest I've ever been in my life, this one or the next. Exactly what peace do you think it would give me if I died, never to see you again?"_

"_You would be free," he answered simply. Surely._

"_I am free."_

"_Or so I have made you to believe. My kind is good at deceiving people, Bella."_

_Edward nestled into the soft leather couch in his room, although it was impossible to become any more comfortable than he already was with Bella on his lap, pressing her warm cheek into the crook of his neck. "Than my love is nothing but a deception?" she whispered, pain seeping in her tone. "You're saying it's a lie?"_

_Edward stiffened and drew her away so that he could look into her eyes, conveying all his emotions right into his expression. "You know that's not true," he said sternly._

"_Than prove it."_

This memory was a like a gunshot to his chest. Were he human, it would have killed him, but he was a vampire, and so exempt from such blissful liberation. If he could he would have gladly died, and without a second thought. Anything to be able to see Bella again. Even if they were never to be reunited in Heaven, at the very least he might be able to catch a glimpse of her on his passage to Hell.

Hell would be better than this. At least in Hell he would be able to atone for what he'd done, though he was certain there was almost no way to make up for what sin he'd committed. Edward looked at his hands despairingly, seeing her blood still stained on his fingertips, though it had been weeks washed, and in his arms was her body, slumped and lifeless.

Edward tried again and again to wash the memory from his mind, but it would not go. Even if it did, there was no peace for him now, and never would be again. His chest was emptier than it had ever been, cold, barren, and frozen. When grief strikes a human's body it heats with shedding tears, leaving them shuddering and gasping for breath.

With a vampire it was different.

Grief made you colder. Made you empty. There were no tears to be shed, and no breath to hold onto. Because a vampire has no right to grieve. They are not human. How dare one should grieve when they themselves are a crime against nature, against humanity?

And against the ones they love.

It was absurd that even after being changed, the vampire would still dare to love a human. Nay, _retain_ the ability to love human being.

But was that punishment in itself? Loving something you knew you could never have?

Bella.

He should never of had her. Any part of her.

Holding her in his arms, kissing her, singing her to sleep…

All sins. Unforgivable sins.

Because not only did he dare to fall in love with her…

But he made her love him back.


	3. Unpredictable

Unpredictable

3

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"Alice, can you see anything yet?" Esme asked anxiously, voice breaking into dry sobs. Alice tried concentrating, although it was hard with her mother's pained face eagerly awaiting news on her beloved son's whereabouts. Ever since Bella's death, Edward had been nothing but unpredictable. His grief was escalating each and every passing second, and his mind was furiously clouded, therefore impairing his ability to think normally and rationally.

Alice's gift which allowed her to see into the future greatly fluctuated in correspondence to an individual's decisions and intended course of action. Much like before when he thought Bella had died, Edward's mind was changing rapidly, carried out in bits and flashes, therefore rendering him drastically inconsistent.

"I'm sorry, Esme," Alice said regretfully. "I can't see where he's going or what he plans to do. His mind is in too much of a frenzy right now. He's not in his right state of mind at the moment."

"Of course he's not," Carlisle said from across the dining room table. "The love of his life is gone, forever, and it only just happened two weeks ago. I doubt Edward will ever be able to forgive himself, even in centuries to come. In fact, I wouldn't know what to think if his reaction was any different than what it is now." He sat close to Esme, trying his best to sooth her, but she was inconsolable. Her frozen heart burned with grief over Edward and for Bella, exactly as any human mother would, and it was slowly ripping at the hearts of everyone in the family. Who would ever dream of seeing their own mother in such despair?

Carlisle was grieving too, if not more so than Esme, but he knew he had to keep it together for the sake of everyone else. Jasper had had his hands full ever since Bella's…departure, and even though he was skilled in manipulating the moods of those around him, he was utterly unable to control Edward's. Never Before had he felt such a tremendous wave of dark emotion, and from his own brother…It made him feel horribly guilty, useless, and all he could do was stand quietly, trying his best to level the atmospheres of everyone else.

Emmet had not cracked a joke in what seemed like ages, and only sat quietly, his face stern and cold. Rose, who stood motionlessly in the corner, was not fondly acknowledged amongst the Cullens at the moment. Even Esme avoided looking in her direction. Part of Edward's leaving was due to her, because Rose had openly expressed her feelings on Bella's death when Edward had turned on her furiously one day over something he'd heard her say in her thoughts.

Never had he wanted to cause so much harm to someone other than himself, and Edward feared that if he stayed he would wind up seriously injuring Rose, perhaps by ripping off some of her limbs, thus causing a family dysfunction of the greatest multitude. He didn't want to burden the only people he had left in this world by inflicting on them his catastrophic behavior.

But that's how Edward was; always doing something he thought was best for other people without weighing the considerations of the ones involved. Bella was the only person whom he made an exception to, and looked how things turned out.

"I'm telling you we should just go out there and look for him," Emmet voiced. It was the first time he'd spoken in hours.

"No, I don't think that would be the best idea," Carlisle replied gently. "We need to give Edward time to think. He's going through more than any of us could ever imagine, and us forcing ourselves upon him would only further the disorientation of his mind. We have to believe that Edward will pull himself up on his own, even just a little bit. Only then can we interfere."

"And what if that doesn't work?" Emmet responded coldly. "What if he decides to do something reckless like last time? You do remember how he actually considered slaughtering a mass of innocents just to provoke the Volturi into killing him, don't you? What if he tries that again?"

"No, I don't think he's going to do that," Alice interrupted, trying to comfort Esme who cringed from the memory. "He knows the Volturi won't kill him, and even if he did decided to try the same methods again, they would know what to do to prevent it. Besides, I haven't seen the Volturi anywhere in Edward's future, so he must not be thinking about them. There's something else…"

"What?" Carlisle asked, a tint of desperation and worry in his voice.

"I…I don't know," Alice admitted shamefully. "If only I could…" She dropped her eyes to the table, placing a tiny white hand to her forehead as if she were having a migraine. Jasper reached out to her and stroked her hair lovingly.

"We all know how hard you're trying, Alice," Jasper said softly. "None of this is your fault. Who would have ever dreamed something like this would happen? We were all so sure..."

"No, Jasper," Alice protested with agony in her voice. "This is all my fault. I should have seen this coming. If I had only seen the vision sooner…" Alice could no longer continue. Jasper stretched out his arm and pulled her to his chest, resting his chin on her head.

Edward, in addition to blaming himself, would not forgive Alice for what had happened. Edward, who was usually so rational and forgiving, had turned on Alice in his wretched despair, knowing all too clearly how she was the only one who'd been capable of preventing Bella's _murder_.

This is what Edward called it. Because even though Alice could have prevented it, he was the one who had given himself over to a moment of weakness, thus killing the only reason for his existence…and obliterating his entire future.

An infinite future of pain.

An eternity of grief.

A boundless session of Agony.

An earthbound Hell.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," Emmet protested with a shake of his head, his voice gruff. "And you too Alice, but I can't just sit here and do nothing. For God's sake we're his _family_. We should be able to help him somehow. We can't just not try."

Emmet scraped his chair back along the ground and quickly rose to his feet.

"Emmet, no," Carlisle said in a weak attempt to stop him. "I want Edward back too, but.."

"You can't really agree with Carlisle, can you Esme?" Emmet turned to her, eyes expectant.

Esme was slightly taken aback. A surge of pain and confusion spread across her delicate features. "I…I don't know. I just don't know," she whimpered. "Oh Edward…"

"I'm going," Emmet declared, his tone final, and turned to go.

"Emmet, wait," Jasper called in a rush, pushing his chair back. He was about to stop him but a small gasp caught their attention.

Everyone turned to Alice, alarmed by her expression. Her eyes were wide, staring into the distance, and she absentmindedly placed a hand to her chest as if trying to stifle a breath.

"What is it, Alice?" Both Jasper and Carlisle asked abruptly.

"I can't believe this…"" Alice whispered.

"Can't believe what?" Emmet demanded, taking a step foreword.

"He can't be serious. What is he thinking?"

"What is it? What is Edward going to do?" Esme asked, her voice tight with dread.

"Edward…he's going to try and bring Bella back to life."

**//*****************************//a note from moi//*********************************//**

**As disappointing as it might be, this may very well be the last chapter I write for this story. Though given a solid direction, the path in which I have placed this story would undoubtedly cause me a great deal of grief when trying to execute the events realistically.**

**Still, I would love to hear your thoughts.**

**To all of you that have reviewed, thank you very much. I love absolutely everything it is you have to say, so don't hold back.**

**Farewell.**


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